UT Austin! Land of the Longhorns! That’s where I secretly fantasized about going as a senior in high school. I was utterly clueless about what job I wanted, but as a young computer tech at Best Buy — I knew I loved working with computers and technology. I yearned to follow my fellow tech co-worker (and mentor) Patrick and his crew of renegades to UT Austin and enjoy life as a Longhorn computer geek renegade.
Here’s the thing: I never applied.
The truth is, I didn’t feel good enough to get in. Despite being in the top 15 of my graduating class, I didn’t think I was smart enough. My parents didn’t have money to help pay for my college tuition, and trying to navigate the world of financial aid felt like a terrible horror movie without a cool soundtrack, and everyone dies of boredom and confusion. Whenever I pulled up my UT application, I’d slowly morph into a sweaty, melted, tangled mess of doubt with tunnel vision.
All I could see were the insurmountable barriers in front of me: I’m not smart enough, I can’t afford it, I’ll fail and be in debt, I can’t handle it. Where will I live? I can’t afford dorms.
My one regret is not applying to UT Austin for my freshman year (I did eventually go, but that is another story). I wish I could have known what I’m about to share with you, as I believe it would have been my saving grace in helping me overcome my self-doubt in those moments when I needed a shot of courage.
You are good enough
I want to save all girls from making the same mistake I did — disqualifying yourself before you even try. Women need to believe they’re good enough from deep inside themselves because that’s going to be the well of strength they draw from in those moments when they’re in a room with all of the men who have heard their entire lives that they are the smartest and best in the room.
I had many moments in meetings where I had a great idea that I didn’t say. A risk I wanted to raise but was too afraid to interject or disagree. I wanted to ask a question but was too scared to look stupid.
I got there eventually — only through the sheer loving pushes from leaders who believed in me infinitely more than I dared to believe in myself. They claimed my worthiness on my behalf and pushed me into the spotlight to assert, voice ideas, and raise risks. To ask the questions and lead the teams.
We can do better, though. We can give that gift to girls today. Right now. We can help them experience worthiness and enoughness to shine independently.
Worthiness from within will help them trust and respect themselves. It will help them believe in themselves when no one else does. It will give them the courage to put themselves out there in scary ways instead of disqualifying themselves and sitting on the sidelines of life. It will keep them from copying others because they want approval. It will help them develop their authentic voice and gifts.
Here are three tips for helping girls feel good enough and worthy from within, which also apply to you!
Tell Them Early and Often
It’s never too late to tell her:
“You are good enough.”
Even if she’s 80, it’s not too late. Tell girls that they are enough just as they are. Remind them when they’re worried. Remind them when they aren’t sure. Remind them when celebrating. Remind them on a boring old Tuesday.
Teach Them to Say it Out Loud
There’s serious power in saying things out loud. Help girls get comfortable saying it out loud when they look in the mirror:
“I am enough as I am.”
Girls are conditioned to feel like they aren’t enough as a strategy to sell skincare products, makeup, clothes, fitness products, etc. Let’s combat that conditioning by helping them learn to tell themselves they are enough regularly — just as they are.
Create a “Power Up” routine with them
Professional athletes are known to have game-day routines to help them get in the zone when it matters. As I progressed in my career and the stakes increased, I learned to create routines for myself to help me remember I’ve got this and that I’m good enough.
Why not help her make her routine? What matters is that she feels terrific afterward. I have a playlist to use when I’m looking to power up. I like to take my time getting ready and talk myself up while I listen to my playlist.
The world (especially the STEM world) needs the intuitive, diverse, and innovative ways of thinking women bring to the table. We need to lift as many girls and women as possible so that they don’t disqualify themselves before they even get the chance to shine. Normalizing the phrase,
“You are enough”
is a huge step in giving girls the tools they need to believe in themselves and love themselves just as they are.
