“Oh, f*ck. No way… Seriously?” My heart sank. My stomach clenched. My already stiff neck decided to debut a completely new level of tension that I could now feel throbbing on my right side. This was the moment I realized that I had totally and accidentally wiped out the home page I had worked on for over a month. I wanted to die as I kept hitting refresh and all that showed was a blank page and my revision history was nowhere to be seen. After some serious regret on my part of trying to import demo content before my morning cup of coffee — I had to face reality: I would need to rebuild the entire friggin thing again.
It was comical, really. I didn’t even really like my current website — but it was something! It was a solid first take. Generic, sure. Passable, yup.
I took a deep breath, and I said the truth that I didn’t even have the courage to say before “The Wipeout of 2024” (that’s my new name for this event, blame the media for this stupid habit): I didn’t really like that site. It never felt like me, if I’m being honest.
And then you know what happened? I felt the thrill of “Anything is possible”. I love that feeling. The electric feeling of infinite possibility and all the doors open to me. So I started over again, from nothing and I made something that feels like me.
Loss is always hard. It’s of varying sizes and textures. It’s hardest when it’s long and drawn out, and full of resistance. It’s usually not in our control, and even when it’s something we choose, it’s more painful than we thought it’d be.
Here’s the thing about loss: usually, it’s for the best (even when we can’t see it, and certainly don’t feel it).
I’m going through lots of small and weird losses in my life right now, and maybe I’m learning to say goodbye to what isn’t working in my life because I tend to hold on too long and torture myself (and everyone around me) over it.
Maybe you’re here too, and maybe you could use some support. I will share with you 3 things that helped me move from loss to thrill at the prospect of starting over, in hopes you find that magic spot too.
1. Feel the heaviness of loss.
Be with it, don’t distract yourself. Your head will likely say stupid, mean things. You can just know that’s your emotions in word form: anger, sadness, regret. Let them flow like clouds without believing any of them are true.
2. Accept and learn your lessons.
At some point, you’ll need to make the decision to let go of what was, and accept what is. This takes time, and grace for yourself. You did your best. You can’t change anything, and maybe at this point — you can let your heart tell you the truth about what was. Maybe there’s a lesson to learn here?
I know I had a thematic lesson in these recent losses: BE YOU. I felt stuck in identities that no longer felt like me, and it was time to say goodbye to them because they weren’t who I am now. My heart told me that it’s time to say goodbye to fitting in, and start being ME. Be bold, daring, colorful, soft.
3. Indulge in the excitement of “anything is possible” from this moment of starting over.
When we are emptied and have to start again — can we look at it as a new chance? A new way to be and do things? Can you find one thing to be excited about with this? If not, that’s ok. Maybe you’re not ready. When you are ready, you’ll know. It will feel like a small margin of space that will inevitably fill with excitement and possibility! ENJOY this feeling. Be with it, and let yourself sink into it. Anything is possible right now, in this moment!
You can do this!
